Orca Bay

April 12, 1996 - May 9, 2005

It Always Rains

It always rains on days like those. Misery seemed inevitable as I woke up to cold and wet darkness. I used to think it meant that God was crying. Now I know. Just another cold and dreary morning were my original thoughts, of course the fact that you were sick always lingered on my mind. But I never thought of the worst. I never believed it could happen. But it happened.

You were what I had dreamed of all my life. That September day when you were given to me was the best day of my life. We worked and trained all winter in excitement for summer show season. I never would have thought that we wouldn't ever make it to the show ring. That morning, even with dark storm clouds drifting about, I still had hope. I had hope that you would pull through, hope that you would be better than ever, hope that you would live. I whispered to myself, "You have to get well". It is the only acceptable way to end this.

I still cannot accept what happened that day. The call came as I was about halfway through my morning routine. "He's Down". Time seemed to come to stop as my entire world came to a crashing halt. This was the end, the worst, the completely unacceptable. I stood a minute, distraught and bewildered before the tears came pouring out. I refused to stay home alone while you suffered your last few hours. Then I saw you, lying there on the ground, deathly skinny and listless. The strength and will you had in the beginning was now replaced with a reflection of pain and sorrow in your eyes. I could see it in your face; you did not want to go on any longer.

As I sat there next to you whispering soft words of kindness and encouragement, you lifted your head to reach out to me with what seemed to use up every last ounce of your strength. You loved me and didn't want to leave me. I loved you more than anything in the world, and knew in my heart you had to go. Somehow, the strength you have always been known for took hold of you as you tried to stand. And with each attempt you fell to the ground, injuring your poor weak body. The suffering and the will was too much for me to handle. The blood that washed from my coat that day will always stain my heart. I gave you a final goodbye before I was pulled away as they came in. The truck pulled up, the truck that would carry you away. The doctor walked in, the doctor that would end all your pain. I stood alone outside, tears falling down my face along with the rain. I wept. From outside I could hear you let out one last cry.

A dream come true only lasted six months. You were so young and healthy, full of life and the potential to be great. We were going to make a leap for the stars, and show the world that dreams really do come true. I have always believed that dreams never die. I was wrong. Then you were gone. The world, for just a few moments was silent. Dead silent. Except for the gentle patter of God's tears on the gravel drive.

In loving memory of my dearest first horse. You made my dreams come true and my dreams died with you.

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