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May 3, 1985 - September 11, 2009
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Loved by Patty Erbe |
His name is Topaz. He was born in Kentucky on May 3, 1985. He was a beautiful dark bay thoroughbred who raced until he was about 3 and a half. I was 21 when I bought him. I myself was sick with anorexia and very depressed. I always wanted a horse and thought it was just a dream, until one day, on March 22, 2000, my mother took me to a barn in Bay Shore, NY and I saw Topaz.
The kids at the barn had given him the name Liberty. He was only there about a week off of auction and he himself was underweight. So I made a promise to keep my weight up and put my life into my new baby. I named him Topaz for the crystal and the color of his peanut butter colored nose. We nursed each other back to health. He was the one thing in my life that kept me alive and willing to live again.
I later looked up his racing name and found out it was "Monkey Dew" and I got all his paperwork. I know he was abused on the track and I wanted him to have the best life possible.
We rode many years and jumped and played. He was my entire life. I got him a buddy in 2001, a pony I weaned from a baby, and named him Salem. This was my little family - Topaz, Salem and me.
In November of 2008 I moved them to a barn that I thought would be better for them and little did I know, it was worse. The living conditions were filthy and the stalls were barely cleaned. I live an hour away from the barn and got there at least 3 times a week, but it just wasn't enough. This June of 09, Topaz developed what I thought was a simple abscess. Well, it wasn't. His hind right hock was swollen and he was on pain killers and antibiotics. Both the vet and I were stumped. I moved them in the end of July to a much better barn. While in the middle of a divorce and just having surgery on my wrist, I made sure I went out to take care of Topaz. Before I moved them, it was a week after my surgery, I went to see him at his old barn. I was devastated when I got there to find him thinner in one week after I left extra money and the vet's number along with directions on what Topaz needed. I couldn't believe what I saw - my baby was barely walking and looked so depressed! I got them both out the next week.
Their new barn was wonderful. The woman who owned it only had her two horses and was very willing to help me with Topaz. But as much as she was feeding him, he just kept losing weight, the infection was not going away. At that point I thought I never saw him so bad. It was the first week of September and Kristen, who owned the barn, let Topaz out in the big ring to walk around. He still had a swollen leg and he decided to roll. I got a call at 9 a.m., Kristen was frantic! Topaz couldn't get up. My mother and I drove there and tried to help him, but the only thing we could do was wait for my vet to come and help. That was about 5 hours later. I called two friends and they came as well. We gave him a tranq, flipped him on his good side and waited. He was so cut up, but with everyone's help, Topaz stood up and we got him to his pen and the vet worked on him. For almost 2 weeks I was there just about every day cleaning wounds and trying to get him to eat. At that point he was almost refusing his food, eating about 7 flakes of hay a day with maybe 3 quarts of food. Just not enough. His other hind leg was swollen from him thrashing so much to get up two weeks before. At that point he was at his thinnest.
I went out on September 11, and as soon as I got there - they were going to bring him in the barn - he was so wobbly he fell right in front of me. My baby boy, I couldn't believe what I was seeing! We were supposed to live a long life together...I called my vet, hoping he would stand...as I waited I sat next to him and cried, telling him what a good boy he was and I understood. He was groaning and I just knew what he was telling me. It was 10 at night, as soon as I saw the vet come in, I ran to him. We both knew it was time. My vet held me in his arms and said how sorry he was. I went to Topaz, sat with him, and said my goodbyes. That was the hardest moment in my life.
I knew what had to be done. I kissed him and told him I would love him forever and never forget the great times we had together. I didn't want to let go...my vet thought it was best if I didn't watch. I stood to the side as my best friend faded away and went to heaven.
God, I miss him so much. As I sit here crying as I write this, I remember all the great times we shared and the 10 years we spent together. To me it wasn't long enough, but he was the best thing that happened to me, and I was so lucky to have him that long. Topaz may you rest in peace, my best friend, my love and my soul mate. You will be missed dearly. We had so much fun together and some day I will be with you again.
Topaz 
