When I was born my mother already had him. She started right off as soon as I could walk with putting me on his back holding me so I didn't fall off. We had a big horse farm with many horses but he was our favorite, we used to barrel race him and everything.
He was so gentle and kind. When I was a child I used to pull on his tail and everything, it never spooked him nor made him move. Then as I got older I spent more and more time with him. There came a time where we had lost our farm and sold everything, even him, he was last to go. I sold him to an old friend, Jackie, and she said she'd take care of him.
I'm 21 now and found out the other night he had to be put down due to a hip breaking. I don't know the details but I'm struck with grief. He wasn't just a horse, he was my man. I used to drive by, call his name, his ears would perk up and he'd neigh at me. I loved that horse, even though we weren't together all the time like we used to be, I took the time to go see him. I wish just once I could touch him, feel his soft coat on my fingertips, see his gorgeous eyes look at me while he grazed. I wish I could hug his neck and tell him all my problems like I used to, cry into his neck and hug him. Our bond was one I can't ever explain to anyone except my mom whom is really upset as well. No one understands our bond we had unless they have spent hours with a horse just talking, petting, and connecting in any way with them.
I have a video I watch numerous times. Hah. I wanted to ride Thunder one spring afternoon and my mom told me, "If you can get on him, you can ride him." At this time I was about 7 and very short compared to this Appaloosa. So I took a bunch of buckets we used for grain and stacked them on each other, not knowing mom was taping me from the window. I tried so hard, coaxing him to help me and telling him to stand still even though he was, he sat there forever as I tried and tried to get onto him. The buckets kept falling and I was making a commotion but he still didn't care. I wanted to be on his back so bad. I ran in crying because I wanted to ride this majestic animal...no he wasn't an animal, he was more then that, he was a God to me. She ended up going out and saddling him up for me. I rode him for awhile until it got dark out and mom told me I had to get off so she could feed him and he could relax. I cried.
Now I look at pictures of him and hate myself for not buying him back from her when I could. He was out-to-pasture because he was too old to barrel race anymore and it was his time to enjoy the lazy life of grazing in grassy fields. I was laying in bed when I found out the news, my best friend texted me saying, "They might put Thunder down, he broke his hip..." I replied, "My horse??? What!" It was him...I cried and found it hard to text back. I called my mom first and then my dad...sobbing I tried to tell them what had happened, my heart racing, my stomach getting sick. I wanted to say goodbye but I was in Job Corp about to finish and go home for good in 2 days. Why couldn't he have waited!!!!
I wanted to go see him, I wanted to be there to hold him as he passed into heaven...I wanted to be the last one he saw... I wanted to say.."Remember that little girl who grew up with you. It's me, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was going to buy you back...I failed you. I love you, Thunder, never forget me."
Regardless, I never got to say goodbye and now I'm going home tomorrow for good and I will see him, visit wherever he is buried and cry. I'm going to bring a picture of us together and put it where he is buried....I'm getting a tattoo this weekend of his portrait on my leg with a poem underneath it I think I'm going to choose the quote, "No heaven can heaven be, if my horse isn't there to welcome me.".
I hope you take the time to read this...
Thanks for listening,
Ashley
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Thunder 