When I first
saw Satin, she was a gangly baby, 4 months old, already tall and already
a handful. We had just finished our barn and wanted to bring our horse,
Mishie, home. We also wanted a horse for my husband and a companion
for Mishie, but we wanted a bomb-proof, easy-riding horse. My friend was
the one who pointed out the little red filly, who was suddenly for sale for
$100. I was against the buy and my husband fell in love. He
prevailed and the unnamed baby became Starheart's Red Satin.
Satin was a handful from the beginning. She had never been taught to
lead and as we tried to get her into the trailer, she took off across
the barnyard with me attached to the end of the lead rope, skiing behind
her! We finally got her home and began our love affair. She was so different
from Mishie, so skittish and nervous. You never knew when she would jump
at a scary leaf, or sudden breeze, stepping on your feet, or almost knocking
you to the ground. One time she busted up my hand, pinning it to the stall
door in some perceived bit of fright. I was the soloist that day at
a wedding and had to go there in pain, bandaged to my elbow. When Satin
was old enough, the trainer that we had hired came to pick her up, and as
they were trying to load her, she knocked my husband to the ground and leaped
onto the trailer from atop his chest. He had too nice hoof prints for a long
time.
As we look back, we realize that we just were too inexperienced to
undertake such a hot-blooded baby, but she would ultimately change our lives.
She was the most incredibly beautiful horse I have seen. I never tired of
watching her glide around the paddock, tail held high. She would rear and
leap into the air with joy and spin and run again. She was never a horse
that my husband felt comfortable to ride, because she spooked at everything.
I found myself alternating between riding her and Mishie, but seemed to ride
less and less. Mishie was getting old now and I didn't feel that Satin was
safe enough to take down the road. Our rides consisted of round and round
the little paddock. As a result, Satin became a little too fat, and I in
my ignorance thought that she was beautiful that way. I didn't know that
Saddlebreds were prone to founder and that she was in danger.
Her first laminitic attack came when she was about 8 years old. I didn't
even recognize it. I thought that she had been kicked. When it wasn't getting
any better, the vet was called and the diagnosis given. He gave me little
information, just instructed me to take away her grain and get some weight
off of her. I hadn't ever heard of Cushing Syndrome or Insulin Resistant
and didn't get much help from my farrier or vet. We managed to keep her well
for a couple of years and then she relapsed. This started an 11 year battle
to keep her healthy.
I never rode her again after I learned that her coffin bone had rotated,
but I began to see her as the brave, courageous horse that she always had
been, but I had missed somehow, too distracted by her fire to see her as
she truly was. Instead, I rode her in my dreams, night after night
I would dream her well and we would ride over beautiful hills and down
breathtaking valleys. Now when I worked with her, she knew that I was
trying to help her and would so patiently stand as I soaked her feet, rubbed
her legs. She would nicker softly and sigh when I got it right.
I wasted years on special shoes and farriers that cost hundreds of
dollars and she continued to get worse. My addition of a computer and
subsequent research on founder and Insulin Resistance led me to the horrifying
conclusion that all we tried to do to help her, was only making her
worse. I changed her diet completely and stumbled onto Keith Seeley
and his ingenious trim to help foundered horses recover. He helped me long
distance through frequent pictures sent email and she was actually
improving. Then an infection set in and it was increasingly
hard to keep her comfortable. Still, she wanted to try. She had such a desire
to live and I wanted to honor that desire.
When we lost Mishie, I could see a change in her. Her desire to
live was fading. But still she did...for me. That year found my beloved father
dying from Alzheimer's disease and when I wasn't with him, I was with her.
I would make her beds of soft straw in the paddock so that she could lay
in comfort and I would lay up against her and cry out to God, "Please, you
can't have them both! Please make at least one of them well." My Dad ultimately
lost his fight and returned to God and I turned my attentions fully on Satin,
vowing to do everything in my power to make her well.
I found a natural trimmer who drove 5 hours one way, once a week to help
me. She loved Satin and immediately recognized her courage and great heart.
I thought that we were actually going to pull this off and then Satin made
the decision to go home. I found her one day with a grossly swollen knee,
perhaps the infection had moved up, perhaps a twist as she struggled to rise.
My new vet was a kind, compassionate man and he treated her for 6 weeks,
trying to ease her suffering. Each visit he would place a hand on my
shoulder and say," We can't let this go on much longer." Every day was agony
as I struggled to make a decision.
The new farrier was seeing good things happen with her hooves, but this knee
thing had just pushed her into a new level of pain. I finally threw out a
fleece, "Lord, please help her today. If her knee is down even a little,
I will keep trying, but if not, I will let her go." I raced home from work,
so hopeful, but when I reached her, I could see that her knee was even more
swollen. I called the vet sobbing and said that I was ready and he, without
hesitation, said that he would come within the hour. My husband and
I gathered up all Satin's treats that she had been denied since the founder,
apple slices, carrots, sweet feed. We laid by her side in the straw and hand-fed
her like a queen. One time, we heard leaves rustling and both turned,
expecting to see the vet. When no one was there, I whispered in awe,
"Mishie is here to take her home." When the vet came, she
was unafraid and seemed almost happy in anticipation. She looked at us with
such love and happily kept eating even as the needle slipped in. She gave
one big sigh, just like the one she gave to let me know that I
had gotten it right, and she closed her eyes forever.
Satin my love, you will
forever run free in my heart. No pain, nothing holding you back.
When I come to you, we will take that ride that you showed to me in
my dreams. My capacity to love has grown 10 fold since you gently cracked
open my heart. Thank you, my dear friend. You saved me from myself.
I love you always.
Paulette (Mom)
Satin 
