My sweet baby boy,
I can’t stop crying. I keep waiting for you to walk into the barn or for the phone to ring and the vet tell me that he made a mistake, and you’re really fine and coming home. I would give anything just to see you again. I miss your smell and your slobbering kisses and how you would stick your tongue out at me. I miss everything about you. You’ve been gone three days, and it feels like forever.
I hope you know the joy, peace, love and happiness you brought to me. As much as I hurt, I feel truly blessed to have been your mommy. I thank God that he brought you to me. You touched so many people’s lives…and how lucky am I to have shared time with you? You were a true gift, and I was fortunate enough to have experienced a love with you that not many people get to know. I knew I loved you from the minute I saw you, and I always felt honored to just be around you – even when you decided to use your own pooh for a pillow!
I am thankful that our last ride was a lazy bareback stroll around the property. I am happy that we had that day and that I was able to just spend time with you on a beautiful fall day and talk to you and tell you what a brave boy you were, tell you how much I love you and to thank you for keeping me safe.
I close my eyes and I see you, with your head down slowly coming toward me. As much as it killed me to see you suffer, if me being there brought you one ounce of comfort, then I am happy that I was there to share your last moments with you. I just hope that my crying didn't make you more nervous and upset. You were always so strong and brave for me; I regret that I couldn't have been braver for you.
I don’t know that it ever would have been enough time…I honestly don’t remember what it was like before you, and I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like now. I miss you, Merl Man. You mean the world to me.
I will always be able to say that you never dropped me. We ended on a high note, huh?
Just think, Merl - there are no flies in Heaven.
You are my best friend.
I love you, fat boy!
Merlin
