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The 16 years I had you was
not enough. Three hundred years would have not been enough. You shaped
who I became, as I grew with you. I would not be half of who I am if you
had not come into my life. Your strong spirit and strength pulled me through
every valley I ever walked through. If it had not been for you, I may have
not made it out of some of those valleys. You know which ones. I miss you
so much.
Sometimes I look outside
and cannot bear the sadness in my heart as I look into the field where you
once grazed. I hope you know the decision I made was the hardest I have ever
made in my young life and probably will be the hardest still to the very
end of my life. I always thought you and I would see Jesus part the Eastern
sky together, but I guess it wasn't meant to be.
I still remember the day
we went to see you for the first time. You, with all of your fiery spirit,
I was actually a little scared. You tossed your head and pranced around like
the show horses I have seen in the Arabian liberty shows. My father told
me when we got back into our car that you were the one for me. I was surprised,
but excited too. I was only 12 and you barely 7. We were destined to
be together.
I happily cried the whole
way to get you (and the whole way home). Only the birth of my 2 children
could match the happiness I felt that day! Times turned hard, though,
as the very next day you got tangled in the barbed wire fence at the
stable I boarded you at. I was so sad for you and the next few weeks
bonded us together as I hosed off your legs to minimize the
swelling.
You were so crazy! You were
scared of the water, the wind, the saddle!! It took many years for you and
I to really mesh. As I grew into my awkward teenage years, you were always
there to give me strength and serenity. I wish now that I had rode the bus
to the stable many more times then I did. But you always came running
with a whinny. You were always so vocal, the others boarders would laugh
at your shenanigans.
You taught me responsibility
as I had to hold a constant job to pay for all of your expenses. I never
once complained, because I loved you so very much.
As I grew into a young woman, I often would bring my prospective boyfriends
over to meet you. I knew that if you didn't like them, then I shouldn't
either. Then I married, and of course finances got tough, and you and I didn't
see each other as much, especially when Taylor and Noah were born. But as
the children grew up a little, going to see you was my peaceful
moment in a busy and stressful life. Just touching you and smelling
up under your mane lowered my blood pressure. Then finally, we
were able to move to a place where you could be in my back yard. It
was a dream come true. To be able to look out my window and see you out in
the field was pure ecstasy.
Then the vet told me your
teeth were going. I knew you were older and so I didn't mind that I had to
give you mash 3 times a day, I loved the excuse to go out there and
feed you. Then your eyesight, it went slowly, but more than anything I
hated seeing you so scared and confused. I know you, your spirit, it was
hard for you to understand that your kingdom was fading away. I worried sick
about you, more than you know. I felt that the heart string between us was
fraying. I hated seeing you so confused and I knew time was getting
short.
When you got hurt, I was
so heart broken. I prayed to God that it was just a freak accident, that
the wind scared you and you ran into the fence. But then the seizures started,
and everything in my world was shattered. I knew that I couldn't bear to
see you hurt, but at the same time, my selfishness wanted to wait it out
to see if it would get better. I hope you know that I didn't want for it
to end this way. I wanted you to retire old and graceful in the pasture.
But you, with your spirit, you would've fought it until you killed
yourself.
I think 24 is too young,
but I know you would've done the same for me if the roles were reversed.
I hope that my broken heart will heal soon, because right now I still feel
so sad and alone. You have touched me in a way no one will ever be able to,
not in a million years. I love you, Lee, and maybe Jesus just needed a white
horse to part that Eastern sky with. You will always be in my heart. I love
you, boy.
Good boy, Lee, you did
good.
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Blue's Lee
