To our beloved Dutchess...its only been a few days and I miss you so much it hurts. I'll never
forget the first day I met you. I knew then that you were someone special.
I didn't think Brother James would ever sell you to me. But he finally gave
in and I am so thankful he did. But I know that he misses you almost as much
as I miss you.
I had no doubt in my
mind and heart that I trusted you. When you and Beth went to
Colorado 2 years ago to go trail riding, I knew you would take care
of her. I missed you as much as I missed my own
daughter. And just recently I trusted you with our 2
year old twin grandsons. You were so easy and gentle with them as they led
you around as well as when we would put them on your back. I
wanted to buy them a small pony so they could learn how to
take care of a horse and learn how to ride, but their Papa said they
just needed to learn from you and me, because he trusted you too. We
had big plans, you and me.
But exactly one month ago,
something went wrong. We came home from work and Beth said you couldn't move.
We helped you get into the trailer the next day to visit our vet. He
felt like you were tying up (I don't understand why) so we went
home with the bute and tried to walk you in the morning and evening over
the long weekend. We could tell just by the way you tried to walk that you
were hurting and it broke our hearts. We took you to another vet early Monday
morning. This guy suspected EPM. He wanted to know how far we
wanted to go with treatment if it turned out to be EPM. He filled
us in about the cost. But with you it just didn't matter what
the cost would be, we'd make it somehow.
We started you on the treatment before we found out the results of the
blood test, and then the test came back positive. But we've found
out that, yes, a blood test showed that you had been exposed to EPM,
but it would actually take a spinal tap to know for sure. If I
knew then what I know now, I would have found someone who could have done
a spinal tap. You seemed to be getting better the first week after we started
the medication, so we brought you home. The next week you went downhill fast,
and why, I just couldn't figure out. We called in another vet, a much more
older experienced man. I could tell he had been around horses all his life.
He didn't understand why you weren't on any medication for your feet, even
though you never responded to a hoof test. This older gentleman
came out to our house to see you since you no longer could stand up very
long. He took x-rays of one front hoof and one back hoof. We were
extremely concerned because a small crack on each foot had appeared
just above the frog and a bloody discharge was coming out. I knew deep
inside that we were in trouble. We viewed the x-rays that evening at his
office and we were sick when we saw the results. The coffin bone
had rotated in both feet. We suspected that the same thing had happened in
the other two feet as a bloody discharge was coming out around the coronary
band. He only gave us a 15% chance of making it through this. He wanted
us to keep giving you the antibiotics and anti-inflammatories hoping
you might show some kind of improvement, but by Wednesday you had definitely
gotten worse. This older vet was not too sure about you having EPM,
but he did take some blood to see if it might have been West Nile or Swamp
Fever. He was real concerned with your bloodline though. He
said there are two genetic diseases out there that are passed down through
the generations. But we haven't been able to trace back all the way yet.
So that Wednesday when I walked up to you after I got home from work,
I could tell you were in severe pain and I couldn't bare seeing you in such
pain. I told Dale that enough was enough, it was not fair to you. You
tried so hard to pull through, I know you did. But it just wasn't right for
me to put you through any more.
Dutchess, I don't know if
we will ever find out what caused you to become ill. All I know is that I
miss you so bad. I miss hearing you nicker at us when we get home from
work. I miss seeing you being the first one up to the gate to greet us. I
miss watching you keep the other 3 horses in line because you were definitely
the "Boss Mare" of the bunch. You were more than just a horse to me. You
were my daughter, sister, best friend. If I was having a bad day and no one
understood, I just went to you and you stood there and let me cry and listened
quietly not caring where the other horses were at. I know its only been a
couple of days (June 8, 2005, to be exact), but I'm hoping that writing
this memorial might start me in the right direction as far as getting through
this.
I did find out that you have
a daughter out there. I am trying hard to find her.
I can just see you now running
through the green pastures of Heaven taking on your role as the "Boss Mare".
Someday, my beloved friend, I will see you again as I keep striving
toward Heaven! I love you, Dutchess.
Hollie
Dutchess 
