Red Dugger






May 16, 1969 - October 26, 2009




So how do you start to create a memorial for a horse that you have had for more than 37 years.....I guess from the beginning.

I had wanted a horse for as long as I could remember. My father finally talked my mom into getting a horse for me. I was a barn brat at a farm down the street from my house. Just being around horses made me happy. I took riding lessons regularly and I had fallen in love with a lesson horse named Joplin. He was beautiful, a bay with a black mane and tail. I wanted Joplin but my dad talked to the owner of the farm and asked him to find me a horse of my own.

I went down to the farm one day with my parents and the owner of the farm took us to a stall and in that stall was a sorrel Quarter Horse and his name was Red Dugger and that he was mine. I must tell you that it was not love at first sight. My parents had scraped together $500.00, which was a lot of money back in 1973. Little did they know that it was the best $500.00 that they would ever spend. Red Dugger came from a farm in Colorado and along with his registered Quarter Horse papers came a note from the farm that said, "This colt shows the most promise of any colt ever raised on our farm.". I was thrilled to finally have a horse of my own but I was such a spoiled brat that I really wanted a bay with a black mane and tail, like Joplin. At this point, little did I know that it was a match made in heaven and that Red Dugger and I would have a relationship that would last almost four decades.

So our life together began. I still took lessons but I took them on Red Dugger. I was into hunting, jumping and riding English. Dugger was stocky at 15'3" hands and looked much better under a Western saddle. It didn't take me long to realize that I was more a Western kind of girl also. It also did not take me long before I fell in love with Red Dugger. He just stole my heart almost from the first day I saw him.

I loved to ride him bareback and spent countless hours just laying on his back with his head down grazing. We lived in a rural town in New Jersey and we traveled miles and miles together. One of the main reasons that my dad wanted to get me a horse was that he wanted to "keep me off drugs and away from boys." This was a family joke for many, many years. I rode Dugger in the gravel pits where the boys would often ride their dirt bikes, so little did my dad know that he enabled me to hang out with the boys. Dugger and I oftened raced them. There was one stream that Dugger particularly liked to stop and take a drink from. We lived near the ocean and often rode down to the beach on the sand. We even got into trouble once when a grilfriend and I decided to ride on the grass along the Garden State Parkway.

During those years in the beginning, I spent every waking hour with Red Dugger when I wasn't in school. We marched in parades and I began showing him in some Western classes. We even placed in some shows, but never got a blue ribbon, but Red Dugger was a blue ribbon horse to me anyway. I can remember crying if there was something that I had to do and I couldn't go down to the farm. Even if I didn't ride him, I loved just hanging out with him and brushing him, giving him treats, or telling him my deepest secrets.

I soon discovered dating and Red Dugger took second place to boys. I shared my love of horses with most of my boyfriends and took them riding. I got married and started a family but I always managed to find time for Red Dugger. As my kids got older, I would take them down to the farm with me to care for Dugger and I treasure those memories. Each one of them would ride around on his back and he would be so gentle with them. At one point, I had to move him to a different farm and I can remember walking him on the roads to get to the new farm with my kids riding him bareback and my dad following us in the car so no one would ride up behind us too fast. At this new farm, I rough-boarded Dugger, so I got to see him every morning and evening. My dad would always take pictures of me riding Red Dugger and he would always cut my head off of those pictures and you could only see Dugger. I would kid him and say that he loved Red Dugger more than me. The years that I was raising three children were busy years and I didn't get to ride him as much as I would have liked. My middle son, Billy, had the same love of horses that I had and he would ride Dugger by himself often.

I decided to change careers and go to nursing school. The very best place that I had to study was down at the farm sitting in my car while I would watch Red Dugger out in the field. There were no distractions but him. No phones, no television, no laundry, no kids, just him and I. I spent countless hours down there with him during that time. My marriage ended, my careers changed, but I still went down to the farm every morning before I would go to work to feed him and let him out and every evening when I would get off from work to feed him and bring him back in. I saw him every day and the bond that we shared I will never forget.

As he got older, he got gray, as did I. When I first got Dugger, he didn't have a white hair on his whole body, but as the years passed we both got gray hair, except I could color mine. He got an infection in his right eye and lost his sight in that eye when he was 35 years old. His back was swayed from years of riding him and he had nubs for teeth. Other than that he was healthy.

When he was 36 years old, the local paper, The Asbury Park Press did an article about him and I. The title of the article was, Ageless Wonder, The Romance With 36 Year Old Red Dugger Still Going Strong. A photographer even came to the farm and took pictures of us together. I have a copy of the article framed and hanging in my office. My dad went out and bought ten copies of the paper, he was just so proud.

The last year of Red Dugger's life was hard on both of us, but I treasure every memory that I have of that last year and I began video taping Red Dugger on a regular basis. In September 2008, he was down in his stall and couldn't get up. I called the vet and she was ready to put him down at that point but I wasn't ready to say good bye to him yet. After a few hours and a little rest, my boyfriend and I helped him up and he was okay. From that point on, every time he would lay down either in the stall or out in his pasture, I would cringe and not be able to watch him get back up because I knew someday he wouldn't be able to get up. Sometimes he would be able to get up without any problem and then other times he would be able to get his front hoofs out in front of him but just couldn't get his hindquarters off the ground and would walk himself around in a circle until he got to the right spot that he could get up. Sometimes we would have to help him by pulling on his halter.

Dugger was doing really good until February 2009. I remember it was a Friday and the weather in Jersey was in the 70's and sunny so I took his blanket off during the day when I let him out in the morning. Dugger would love to lay down and take a nap in the sun and work on his tan. He didn't lay down that day, but at 11 PM that night I got a call from the owner of the farm that Dugger was down in his stall and was thrashing around. My boyfriend and I immediately rushed down to the farm to find Red Dugger trapped in a corner with his back against the wall unable to get up. We stayed with him all night and would try to help him get up every time he would put an effort into getting up himself. Finally in the morning I called the vet. A different vet, Dr. Linke, came and gave him an anti-inflammatory shot. She also taught me how to flip him, which would prove to be so valuable in the coming months. By now, Red Dugger had been down for more than 12 hours, but within 15 minutes of us flipping him, he was up with almost no help. The weather had changed and it had gotten a lot colder overnight, more like normal Jersey weather in February. Dugger didn't eat for two days and barely drank any water. Then on that Sunday, New Jersey got hit with a blizzard, about two feet of snow with wind. I walked him up and down the long dirt driveway at the farm fearing that he had colic. I began feeding him with a syringe and my hand. I called out sick from work because if anything did happen to Dugger I would have been sick. I was down at the farm from morning to night and if I couldn't sleep, I would go down there in the middle of the night. For two weeks, he didn't eat very much, only what I forced him to eat. For two weeks, I didn't work. I tried to coax him to eat anything I could think of and he lost so much weight. Finally after two weeks he started to eat hay cubes that I soaked in warm water. I was so afraid that he would lay down again and not be able to get back up because he was weak and had developed a cough. After he started to eat again, I decided I would go back to work and that morning when I went down to the farm to feed him and let him out before work, he decided to lay down in the snow and ice. Once again I had to call out of work and I called my brother and my boyfriend to come help me get him up. I guess he just needed a rest because he didn't get up for two hours. I called the vet again and she couldn't get there for two more hours. At this point I thought I was ready to put him down. He was so skinny and still was eating very little and he looked terrible laying on the ground in the snow and ice. But before the vet came, we flipped him and in no time he was up on all four hoofs again. I knew if I could just get him through the winter into spring, Dugger would be okay.

Spring came and so did Red Dugger's 40th birthday on May 16th, 2009. I planned a 40th birthday party for him and invited all my friends, family, doctors, and some patients. We had balloons and a carrot cake. The Asbury Park Press came out and did another article about Red Dugger and his party. The title of the article reads, 40 Years Young, Owner Says Horse Still Has Spunk As Big Birthday Approachs. I also have that article framed and hanging in my office. The party was a huge success. Lots of people that I had invited stopped by to wish Red Dugger a Happy Birthday. I forced him to wear a birthday hat and in the pictures from that day, he looks so miserable with it on that I almost feel bad for him. The day after the party when I let him out and fed him before going to work, he kept looking at the area where everyone had been as if to say, "Where is everybody today?".

My boyfriend, Tommy and I spent the summer helping pick Red Dugger up after he decided that he wanted to lay down for a bit and work on his tan. We both were so afraid that he would lay down and try to get up himself, not be able to and would wear himself out so that even when we were there to help, he would not be able to. So we started our 6 hour shifts, Red Dugger was never alone or without one of us checking on him every 6 hours. I would feed him and let him out every morning and when my boyfriend would check on him at lunch time he would call to him and he would come running from the back of the field up to the gate. Then he would fix him some bran mash. Oh, how Dugger loved his bran mash. First thing in the morning, I would always put his lead rope on and swing the end over his neck and leave his stall door open so he could stick his head out as I got his food ready. He would walk out of his stall and over to the doorway, sticking his head out just a little to see what kind of day out it was going to be. He would just stand there waiting for me until I had his food ready, then we would walk out to his pasture together. I would give him a kiss every morning and tell him that I hoped he would have a good horsey day before I left. Sunday mornings were our day to hang down at the farm for awhile and watch Dugger eat as we ate our breakfast sandwichs and had coffee. He would pick his head up every so often just to mak sure we were still sitting there. On my days off when I would go down to the farm and let him out, I would take a folding chair out into the field and whatever book that I was reading and hang out with him. Dugger would periodically come over and nuzzle me and I would kiss his sweet ears. Sometimes he would have an itch to scratch and he would stand between two trees and sway back and forth while scratching himself. Sometimes when I would let him in at night, I would tie him outside his stall while I would be getting his food ready. The owner of the farm would have stale bagels for the pigs in bags on the floor and while Duggie would be standing there he would try to be a "bagel thief" and sneak into the bagal bag. He would crack my boyfriend and I up because he would try to be so sneaky but we would be watching him the whole time. I think Dugger enjoyed those warm summer days. Thank goodness that I have so many of those moments on video and when I am really missing him, I can watch them.

I went away for Labor Day to Chicago to celebrate one of my friends 50th birthday. I was very apprehensive about leaving Dugger, but my boyfriend promised that he would take good care of him. Before I left I spent the morning down at the farm with Dugger, just letting him know how very much I loved him. I was at the airport getting ready to board the plane and I kept trying to call my boyfriend because it was right about the time Tommy would be going down to the farm to give Dugger his afternoon snack, but he wasn't answering his phone. I finally got in touch with him and he told me everything was all right so I left for Chicago. I later found out that as he was talking to me on the phone, Dugger was laying down in the field but that he had gotten him up. He felt that he couldn't tell me that he was down because I never would have gotten on the plane. My boyfriend was so right, I would have taken the first taxi back to the farm as soon as I could. I would have gone to any length for that horse, he was so much my soul mate.

Sometime during the end of September while I was working, Dugger laid down and it was really hard for him to get up even with help. My boyfriend and one of his friends eventually got him up but they both said that it was very difficult and that he just could get his rump up off the ground. On average, Dugger had been laying down about once a week, sometimes getting up on his own and sometimes needing that extra boost. We could almost predict when he would lay down, but after that time that he had such a hard time getting up, he didn't lay down again for a month.

I remember the Sunday night before he passed when I went down to the farm to let him in. It was a little windy and something had spooked him a little. He was trotting around the field and as I watched him, I saw him actually give a little buck or his equivalent of a buck. He actually got both his back hoofs off the ground. I stood and watched him for a few moments as he ran around the field and was awed by his beauty. Even as an old man, he was still beautiful in my eyes. At that time, I never would have known that we would have less than twenty four hours left together.

The next morning I headed to the farm for my daily routine. When I went to his stall, I didn't see him and he didn't come to the stall door as he always did. I looked in his stall only to see him laying down with his head wedged into the corner. He was wearing his blanket and was sweating underneath as he had been trying to get up himself for awhile. I pulled him out of the corner and called my boyfriend and son to come help us. We all three tried to get him up, then one of my girlfriends came to help us, but the four of us couldn't get him up. I called out of work that day and never left his side not even to eat. It was so hard for me to believe that this same horse was trotting around the field yesterday while I watched. Every time he would try to get up, I would try to help him. When he would rest, I would lay down next to him on the ground in my scrubs and rest also. Everyone that would come down to the farm would try to help that day. We flipped him, thinking that he had been laying on his one side for too long, but nothing we did could get him up. We made phone calls and tried to enlist strong guys to help us. There were people coming and going all day but I never left him even for a minute that day. I guess that maybe in my heart I wondered if this could be the time that we couldn't get him up.

The vet came at lunch time and gave him an anti-inflammatory shot as she had done previous times. It was as if he was aggrivated with himself that he couldn't get up. So many friends stopped by that day, to help get him up or to offer words of encouragement. I asked Red Dugger to help me make this decision so that we could make it together and I would not have to make it alone. As I would lay next to him while he rested, I would swing my one leg over his back and realized that this was the closest to riding him that I had had in many years. Still, every so often during the day, he would try to get up but was unsuccessful each time. I had asked the vet to call me before she finished for the day because I knew I couldn't leave him laying down all night after being down since the early morning that day.

By the end of the day, there were eight big guys down at the farm trying to get Red Dugger up and still he could not get up. I sent the vet a text that I thought that I needed her and she answered back that she would be there within an hour. During that last year of Red Dugger's life, I had worried that I might not be there when the time came, or that I may go down there in the morning and find him gone already. The vet arrived and we tried one more time to get him up. I was holding on to his halter and pulling him forward to help him get his rump off the ground. As he got his two front hoofs out in front of him and was struggling to get his back legs up, I saw the look in his eyes and I told everyone to stop and they gently laid him back down on the ground of the stall. I knew it was time, I saw it in his eyes that he was tired. I talked to the vet and I said thank you to everyone that had come to help us. Everyone left, even my boyfriend. The vet gave us some time alone for awhile while she got everything ready.

I told him how very much I loved him and how he had been the best horse ever that any girl could want. I laid up by his head and rubbed his favorite spot under his chin while I stroked the top of his head. The vet told me to tell her when I was ready and I nodded my head yes. I whispered in his ears, "Mommy loves the Dugg." over and over again while I kissed his soft velvet ears. He passed so peacefully and I find comfort knowing that his passing was just how I had wanted it to be. Just me and Red Dugger, just like it was in the beginning, along with the vet. I know that he took his last breath knowing how very much I cared for him and what an incredible impact he had on my life.

A few days after I had to put him down, I took a picture of Red Dugger to a local tattoo artist. Now I have a tattoo of Red Dugger over my heart. I had him cremated so that I could take his ashes with me wherever I may go. I recently found some pictures of him when I first got him and some of the ribbons that we had won. I look at the video that I have put together of him and I treasure all those things. I wish he was still here and that I could rub his chin, kiss his ears and just smell him. I am proud to say that I was Red Dugger's mom for the majority of my youth and for all of my adult life. Red Dugger was the one constant being in my life, he lasted through boyfriends, a husband, children, career changes, nursing school, a divorce, the passing of my parents, and now boyfriends again. I almost don't know who I am without him in my life. I will never forget Red Dugger and how he touched my life. He will always be alive in my memories until we are reunited again.

Debbie Benkert-Curtis








Dugger's Support Group Honoree page.













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