Words cannot do justice to Doc Holiday. He touched my life more than most people ever will. He was my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my constant and forgiving companion, and my main man. The emptiness felt by his loss is a gaping hole that can never be replaced.
Doc came to me about 5 years ago, skinny, old, and looking for a pasture to retire in. Doc and I bonded instantly and it would be an everlasting bond. I needed to fatten up his skinny body, so twice a day I would make him a special concoction of rice bran, alfalfa cubes, and beet pulp and would sit with him while he ate (sometimes even holding the bucket and having food flung on me). He gained weight and our bond grew. He trusted me from the very minute I talked softly to him and petted him. We would walk together in the evenings, never using a lead rope, side by side and step by step. People always laughed at our walking caravan of 5 dogs, 4 cats, a horse, and a pet deer. I never used a lead rope on Doc - there was no need to because he trusted me.
Doc also had quite a personality. He would definitely let you know when he was mad at you. He would cut his eyes and let out “grunting” neighs to voice his displeasure - whether he was mad at me for taking too long to feed him or for not spending enough time with him. When he got his feelings hurt he would push out his bottom lip and pout, with that lip quivering the whole time.
He loved his girls, Beauty and Ginger, and he would follow them to the end of the earth. They often ran from him and he would faithfully follow walking and complaining, muttering about his females, but he was always dedicated to them 100%. One night in particular, my Mom and I heard Doc making a fuss and we were worried something was wrong, so we got in our jeep and drove out into the horse pasture. The girls had gotten away from him and he couldn’t find them. We shined the headlights and helped him find his girls and I said, “Did they run away from you, Doc?“. And he responded with that pouting lower lip and the grunting neighs, and a run to his Mama for comfort. Doc was undoubtedly my horse. No one else could get him to do much of anything, much less force him too. When my Mom would try to lead him, he would lock all four legs and refuse to budge regardless of how hard she tried. He would peek at me through the corner of his eye and give me a sly grin. After watching my Mom struggle for awhile I would walk over to him, say “Come on.” and he would follow.
Doc was also referred to as the “Million Dollar Old Man.” While he was a free horse that we adopted for retirement, he ended up costing us a lot of money. When we first got Doc, he cut his right front leg which resulted in many hours of first aid and high vet bills. Once that injury was healed, a rattlesnake bit Doc and he had to recover from that. Always his girls' protector, one time his girls went through a fence when one of them was in heat and Doc frantically tried to follow, cutting himself almost to the bone on his back left leg and cutting himself all over. This led to another vet bill and months of doctoring that I never minded.
My Old Man so full of life and friendship began to go downhill. He lost weight and I was unable to put any weight back on him. He had arthritis and limped a lot. He slowed down and got diarrhea. I began trying to prepare myself for Doc’s death as much as I hated the idea. One day last week while brushing him I said, “Doc, I don’t know if I’m being selfish by keeping you here, so you’re going to have to give me a sign.” Tuesday morning, October 20, I went outside and Doc’s back legs gave out. He fell and could not get back up and cut himself in trying to get up. I sat with him and talked to him and told him I loved him. He finally got back up but I knew what I had to do. Before Doc lost his dignity or succumbed to too much pain I decided to take the humane route and call the Vet to help my dear friend. The appointment was scheduled for the next day. I cried and cried and clung to him for comfort as always. I gave him a bath and his nightly meal and let him out in the pasture with his girls.
The next day, October 21, was one of the hardest days of my life. I got up and gave Doc his breakfast and brushed him, polishing his hooves to make sure he looked his best. I spent the day with him, loving on him and mourning, thankful to have ever had him in my life. I sang him, “All the Pretty Little Horses” because its his favorite song. He knew I was upset and he seemed to know something was different. We walked out to the spot Doc was to be buried, underneath a tree over-looking the farm, and I talked to him, saying, “Ours is a bond that neither Death nor Time can break.”
When the vet came I decided to stay with him the whole time so he would know I loved him and it was okay. When he laid down I went down with him. I wrapped my arms around him and put his head in my lap hugging and kissing him and telling him how much I loved him. I was there by his side as he took his last breath and his heart stopped beating. Losing Doc was one of the most painful things I have ever been through. I sat holding him with his head in my lap, crying and rocking him and telling him how sorry I was and, “I love you forever, now and forever my baby you’ll be.” My Mom let Beauty and Ginger out to see him and say goodbye and then put them back in the horse pen. I was still crying and holding my baby as my Mom came to take me inside. I kept saying, “I don’t want to leave him.” and I meant it. She convinced me to come inside so he could be buried, so I somehow made it in. My legs were jello and my entire body was in pain. We laid on the couch together and cried.
After Doc was buried we went back outside and let Beauty and Ginger out into the horse pasture. Both of them took off running and bucking and neighing. They went to Doc’s grave and sniffed, and then ran circles around the pasture at full speed. They would nicker and neigh calling for their old friend. Their grief was as painful to watch as mine, but I hope together we can get through it.
I feel as if there is a hole in my heart that has left with Doc and will never return. He was the most amazing horse I have ever had, and I loved him deeply. I don’t know how to live without him, and I dread waking up to a day without his presence and his morning greeting.
I never rode Doc. He was old and I promised him retirement and friendship and that is what he got. He gave me so much, and was always there for me no matter what. I miss throwing my arms around him and inhaling his smell. I miss the trust and love between us, and he will always hold a piece of my heart. Tonight is my first night without him and just breathing seems hard to do without him. He was one of a kind and will never be replaced. He walked beside me on earth and will walk beside me in heaven as well.
Kaitlin K Langford
Ours is a bond that neither Death nor Time can replace.
Author Unknown
To place your horse's need for you to let him leave his failing body above your need to keep him with you - that - is the greatest and purest love.
Cynthia Garrett
Doc Holiday 
