Danny Boy

My big, beautiful, blond baby boy, Danny, passed at 4 a.m. Saturday morning, December 3, 2006, and my heart has shattered into a million pieces.

He was a vibrant, happy, healthy 22 year-old Morgan on Thursday night and Friday morning I found him suffering from colic. A long ordeal for all of us and he was brave and gentle to the end. I get so overwhelmed with grief that it seems I'll never recover.

I was with him the day he came into this world. He was born to an older mare and the ranch owner, the vet and I had to pull him out. He was a very big boy. A beautiful chestnut with a flaxen mane and tail, a real looker. He was given to me as an Easter present. He was my big Easter bunny. My first horse, the one I dreamed about as a little girl. I adored him, he was a huge part of my life. Very smart, kind, gentle, hard working and strong. He LOVED children. you could lead him with a little one on his 15.3h back and he would walk so carefully and stop if he felt them lose their balance. Under saddle he was a dream, spirited and obedient, he knew how to "move out".

He would always come to me when I called him. He loved to play "tug of war" with our other horse, his faithful companion for 15 years, Patch.

The thing I can't imagine is not feeling him put his muzzle at the nape of my neck and breath in my scent for minutes at a time, he would hold his soft nose out for kisses and gently stroke my face with his nose. I could sit and watch the rhythmic sound of him eating his hay all day. If only I had taken more time to do this. I could lay at his feet with no fear of being stepped on. He knew if I was sad about something and he would stand by me and let me hug his thick neck and bury my tears in his hair as I drank in the sweet smell of him and everything felt like it would be okay. We chose to have furry kids instead of human ones.

I am overwhelmed at this sudden loss.

I border on the neurotic in caring for my "kids". The best feed, always careful, careful, careful. How and why this happened just makes me feel like I let him down, like I missed something that I should have noticed, that there was some way the outcome could have been different and I could see his beautiful self again.

His "brother" Patch is very sad and lonely, I am worried for him. I hope the universe sure has a plan because I just don't understand the lesson here for me.

I feel lost without him. I love you, Buddy Boy. Always and Forever.

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